On the day of our appointment, I was nervous and afraid for all kinds of reasons, but I was so grateful that my husband had decided to take the day off and go with me. He is my rock and helps keep me grounded and that is exactly what he did on this day, otherwise I think I would have burst into tears trying to tell her everything that I see and hear with Joe. We spent about an hour and half there talking with her and her interacting with Joe. In the end she confirmed my fear, Joe has Autism and at this point he falls in the moderate to severe category. So in the end our life got more complicated, but it doesn't change the way I feel about Joe or the way I look at him. He is still my teeny tiny baby boy that overcame so much in the last 2 1/2 years. Joe is a fighter!
So what little things have I noticed with Joe that made me take him to an Autism specialist? Joe doesn't like to cuddle, you can only hug him on his terms-the same with kissing him, he is not affectionate, he doesn't understand the change in voices (mad, sad, happy, etc,,), when someone cries Joe laughs, he walks on his tiptoes all the time, he also has this little skip hop dance he has to do all the time, he opens and closes his hands while he flaps them when he is really agitated or really excited,Joe also for the most part doesn't hear his name or us talking to him, he has to have a pile of toys in his bed in order to sleep, Joe absolutely loves his videos and has to have them on from the time he gets up to the the time he goes to bed (I can never turn them off), he can't keep his attention span on one thing for more than a few minutes, he makes eye contact but it's for brief moments, he has severe meltdowns over the simplest things, he started regressing with his language, he would much rather play by himself instead of with other kids(even his brothers), Joe refuses to eat anything but peanut butter, chocolate, fruits and drink milk -sometimes I can get him to eat other things but these are his go to foods all the time, Joe can't imitate things that I do- for example if I pat my head and ask Joe to pat his head he will shake his head no and say head, he doesn't ask for things beyond milk or juice- instead he takes my hand pulls me to the fridge or pantry and points. There are things that Joe does do that give me hope that through therapy and hard work, Joe will get to a point that unless I told you he had Autism you would never know.Some of the things that Joe does- Joe still smiles at people, once he warms up to new people he will show you things, interact with you but it all has to be on his terms-if you try to hold him, touch him or even get close to him- he will shake his head no and move away. Joe does imitate sounds- cars, pigs, other animals.
Am I sad about this diagnosis- yes, I am, but I know that it is not the end of the world for us or Joe. We can get him the help that he needs now and because he is young it will be that more helpful. I will admit I have my days where all I can do is cry. I am heartbroken for Joe, I am heartbroken for us and I am feeling overwhelmed- how am I going to take care of 2 special needs children and still have time for my other 2 boys, my husband and myself? I try not to think about all that, instead I look at how beautiful my boys are and how smart and caring they are. I'm not a perfect mom, but I fight like hell everyday to do my best for my kids. Cody is growing into a brilliant and caring young man, Logan still has the best smile in the world that can light up any room and everyday he still finds something wonderful to smile about despite the hand he was dealt, George is still my sweet and hysterically funny little boy that reminds me everyday that there is good in this life, and Joe is my quirky little boy that has taught me that there is more to this world than what we see with our eyes.
So in the end, everything our family has been through, is NOT the end of the world, it's the beginning of a wonderful, sometimes scary, loving, beautiful and funny life that I am so blessed to share with an amazing man and 4 absolutely wonderful boys!!
